Too often it seems I met someone and we really get along, but then nothing happens. No I am not talking about anything sleazy, not even anything romantic. What I am talking about is friendship.
At only 21 it’d be quite tragic to write myself off as un-friendable. In fact, as I’m told countless times by existing friends, family and strangers, my twenties are to be the “time of my life” in which I’ll met people I’ll “never forget”; people of the “best friends forever” variety. And yet convincingly, I am finding the alternative.
Sure I do have friends. Most certainly I have a few wonderful people who I adore and who I know love me too, and we have amazing times together. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t sometimes wish for a few more.
It’s not that I don’t meet people that I don’t get along with. Nor is it that they don’t like me (or at least I hope not). What seems to happen most is a chance meeting at uni, a party or even a vintage fair. There’ll be chatting and laughter and much promise, but where do you go from there?
I’m constantly worried that I am the over-keen person at the party who announces to the group of strangers that they should become facebook “friends” immediately, exchange phone numbers and start planning their trip to Mexico, where they can all buy and exchange their own “friends-forever” bracelets, which they will never, ever, ever take off!
For a while, in my early uni years, I really think I could have been this person. (Okay, maybe not to such an extent, but I was definitely leaning in that direction)
So, in fear of being a despererado, I’ve learnt to back off. Yet, this brings it a disappointing silence on the new friend front. Because really, at a large university campus or an annual vintage fair, how often do you bump into the same people? How often do you chance-meet potential friends; enough to establish a nice to-and-fro which takes the urgency and awkwardness out of the can-I-have-your-phone-number conundrum?
Even when you pass that hurdle, then there’s the first “friend-date” which I have never seemed to master. I always flail around in elaborate planning stages; tip-toeing delicately between obsessed stalker and anti-social hermit. I’m eager for them to know I like them, but equally aware (and afraid) that maybe they don’t feel the same way.
And if I’ve tackled all these obstacles, saw a friendly face, made contact, established a mutual desire to be in the same room on the same day at the same time in close-ish proximity to talk about whatever it is that bonds us (most likely cheese, pie and vintage apparel), then how to secure the date? AND ensure it all follows through??
Because in my world, there’s always horribly mundane things like illness, assignments or sick pets to obscure plans. Always. Without a doubt. And they always occur when the plans I’ve made are those where cancelling has so much more significance attached to it than a simple movie night with a long-time friend who's seen you in ragged pyjamas with toothpaste smeared down your chin (please tell me you know what I mean).
So, this leaves me with my current dilemma.
In lieu of better phrasing, how do you move from acquaintance to friend?
How do you ensure your plans succeed?
How do you avoid failure to launch?
And how do you make and keep new friends?
(Note: I hope this post doesn't seem overly depressing or outrageously dramatic, as I assure you am a mostly upbeat person with just a touch of sarcastic pessimism รก la Bernard Black. However, I would appreciate any advice you can offer on the subject, as I am genuinely curious as to what to do. Or perhaps just some reassurance that I am not completely alone in these feelings.
I would also like to reassure you that I am not some kind of social pariah, but it seems awfullly narcisstic and fraudulent to say so myself, and my chap is currently preoccupied talking to my dog about rum and raisin brownies. *sigh* Oh well, rum and raisin brownie anyone?)
Love
x